Crouched in a infantile position with head between my knees, breathing ever so steady as to slow the pounding sickness with in my head I search for my absolution.
The walls shake and the room becomes non existent. I am in darkness, consumed in my own state of retreat. The screaming is replaced by silence and everything is calm.
Behind my eyes I imagine a creation of peace and solitude, kneeling besides a tranquil black sea. The only source of light is illuminating from my skin as I peer closely into the transparent speculum, I see happiness that I could not imagine being alive when I remove myself from this confine.
I utter to myself “just a few moments more, that’s all I need” as if I was bargaining with myself to keep my sanity.
I erect my self, still peering down upon my reflection as I sum up the fortitude to sever this bond. I breathe deeply, close my eyes, and infuse my hands to my ears as I rip myself away and emerge back to this so called reality.
The sounds return.
His voice echos with each strike against the door as I begin to feel infinitesimal once again. Each pound allowing gusts of alcoholic clouds to diffuse through the room and I desire so much to revert back to my sanctuary. It isn’t an option anymore.
He threatens my well being as always during his rampages, throwing in creative words or rather lack there of. I shakily arise and grasp the door handle, relinquishing the two inch thick plywood barrier between us as we stare each other down. He sways ever so slightly to his right and with his bottle free hand he wraps his fingers around my hair and drops me to the floor. He drags me across the stained carpet as I thrash at his arm begging him to release me. He swings me across the floor and lets go as I tumble towards the wall.
My head collides and my body goes numb. I hear the bottle shatter against one of the many crater-like walls as he strides with difficulty towards me. My face is suffocated in the carpet as to not make eye contact with him he turns me on my back and my tears blur my vision. He picks me up with both hands wrapped around my neck and shoves me into the wall.
My perception drains and the remnants run down my face. I am staring into my very eyes. Gasping for air and feeling the color drain from my face he lets go and I drop to the floor clutching my throat. He walks away and the house reverberates as the door slams.
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