Invitation into my Cerebrum

Sinking into a black and cushioned chair looking around trying to enlighten myself into the greatest feeling Ive ever possessed.

It isnt recognized.

So I continue with my normal state, “The Act” as its been deemed. Im starting to grow tired of it, growing tired of the constant happy smile. I can see myself slip, Im falling back into the black, wet, cavernous hole that I slipped into long ago. I like it though, I like not being exposed, its comforting, the darkness makes it better, makes it bearable. I cant see hurt coming that way, just feel it.

Its like an adrenaline rush almost, the pain coursing through your body, making you shake, making you cold, growing short of breathe and you want so much for it to end but you think is it really worth enduring the moments of potential happiness, that just act as taunting torments of possibilities. When in the end just to be drawn in by that well thats homed you so sweetly, you curl into the sludge and the little insects.

You never sleep.

You cover yourself in the disgust with purpose of protection, the outside appearance affects people’s perception of you. Youre safe, youre secure, no questions, no revealing, you grow fond of your loneliness, grow fond of the silence. You mutter in your head constantly “Im done” but you know that all youre going to do is keeping going, living in the parasitic infected hole, where you feel home, where you feel equal. You finally suffocate, you finally drown, youre finally gone and you wonder if it was all even worth it, living, and you decide, it wasn’t.